This evening I sat at the island in our kitchen watching the rise of this season’s harvest moon, which always seems to me a bit more special than other lunar events. As the evening waned, the moon shone brightly in the ogee window above the space we call the library, which I tricked myself into believing was intentionally positioned there just to capture moments like this. With my mind wandering about possible ideas for this article, I remembered fragments from a tribute delivered at a celebration of our wedding anniversary a few years ago, with a message I think important enough to share. (PLEASE CLICK ON THE TITLE ABOVE TO CONTINUE READING)
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In 1970, for those of us who can remember, there was a book and, later, a movie both written by Erich Segal and entitled "Love Story" that contained a very controversial line. That very line was made into a popular song at the time. It is "love means never having to say you're sorry". You don't have to be married very long to realize just how ludicrous is that. Even Ryan O'Neill, the co-star of Love Story proclaimed about it in his very next movie – "that's the dumbest thing I ever heard". The bible asks and then answers a question about which is greater: faith, hope or love. If that were posed as a multiple choice question, it would be so easy that it would be like the give-away sample question on the front page of a test. I mean, who wouldn't pick love. For a more challenging multiple choice question, consider: Love, Trust, Respect and Forgiveness. For those of us who've been married a while, we know that it's impossible to pick one of those as any more important than the others. This was driven home to me poignantly by two of my singer/songwriter “spiritual” advisors. Before you dismiss their credentials, remember that Don Henley affirmed his own infallibility when he sang: "I could be wrong, but I'm not, no I'm not". But the words to the Henley song I want to reflect on are from The Heart of the Matter: The more I know, the less I understand. All the things I thought I knew, I have to learn again I've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter But my will gets weak, and my thoughts seem to scatter But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness And John Mellenkamp in his song Walk Tall, wrote: grace, mercy and forgiveness will help a man walk tall So, why is forgiveness so important or, as Henley calls it, “the heart of the matter”? We are all humans, imperfect creatures. We move through life in a dance of progressing and stumbling. Hopefully we do a good enough job of getting the proportions right. And unfortunately, we don't always stumble synchronously with our partners. The longer the marriage, the greater is the sharing of life's experiences, the deeper the bond of love. And when we do stumble, it hurts more because there is so much invested in and with each other. A flippant, spoken "I'm sorry" is not good enough. Asking for real forgiveness and, in turn granting it, at the same depth as the love and experiences shared, is difficult, but oh so very necessary. |