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The four of us decided that the Celebration of Life event for our father should take place in the small town in New Jersey where he lived for over 50 years and where we grew up. He moved away about 20 years ago and hadn’t been back in the last decade, but it still seemed the right thing to do. The four of us moved away long before he did. The Borough of Magnolia had Quaker origins, like most of the City of Philadelphia and its surrounding suburbs. Not that we experienced any trace of that. Although, the iconic Albertson’s “mansion” stood on the edge of the town park of the same name and can be traced to the family that acquired land rights here from William Penn. What we and everyone else who lived there can never forget is the town’s slogan: “one square mile of friendliness”. It’s proudly a blue-collar town. While it’s impossible to generalize much about any group of people, the residents of this town seemed to share a common economic status and common values attributed to most blue-collar workers. It is generally considered that these values include: • Honesty and a preference for being direct - a “straight-shooter” • Strong work ethic - “working hard and putting in a full day” • Shared moral code – fundamentally, good-hearted people • Sense of community – strong ties and obligations to families and communities • Collaboration – uniting efforts to accomplish something together These are the values we experienced growing up here. However, the parish church we knew so well and the attached school where we four were educated were both torn down about 10 years ago, another victim of an incredibly valuable real estate location and declining organized religious participation. In our minds, that left only one other logical local institution to host our ceremony – The American Legion Post 370, where our father is remembered fondly still. In the planning leading up to this, the focus of course was to do what Dad would have wanted. And, it was an appropriate location for the military tributes – the presentation of the American flag and the bag piper playing Taps and Amazing Grace. And, given that the eulogy included sharing a shot of VO, a more accommodating location than the church that used to be just down the road. But what it provided for the four of us, together again in this town with our families, was an opportunity to immerse ourselves in this place, its values, its memories and some of the people who embody them. What hits me now, months later, is not just that this was right decision for remembering our father, but that it was good and meaningful and impactful for each of us to be back there together again. The final phase of our orchestrated Remembrance Weekend involved just the four of us in a private affair on the beach at the Jersey Shore, where we have such fond memories as kids. Childhood memories are life’s most precious souvenirs. The other family members who accompanied us to the shore respectfully gave us our space as we did our thing. As soon as my foot touched the sand, this step just felt so right. Bruce Springsteen, famous for writing songs about getting out of New Jersey, said in his New Jersey Hall of Fame acceptance speech, after he had moved back: “… when one of those crisp fall days in October come along, I slip into the cool water of the Atlantic Ocean. We take note that there are a few less of us as each year passes. But the thing about being in one place your whole life is that they’re still around you in the water. And on the beach, there’s a whole new batch of little kids running away from the crashing surf, like time itself. That’s what New Jersey is for me. It’s the repository of my life on Earth.” |